Dear Myself
At Pen:
An open letter to myself.
I know that you don’t conform to the beauty standards when you look yourself in the mirror. I know that you have never striven to be ‘’beautiful’’ . You have not learnt how to be beautiful so you are not. But when you look at the extra bulges under your stomach, the dark spots under your eyes and the extra weight you’ve recently put on, I know it pains to see that. Infact, you become drowned in inferiority and then it hurts.
I remember when you had fallen in love , you wanted it to stay. But you see, when love starts getting older , it fades. I know that now when you see it walking towards you, you don’t wait and start running away. You’re scared. You no more want your heart to pay off the price of heartbreaks.
You see I have taught you the most important chapter in your life when you were failing constantly and missed out on every chance to be kind on yourself-“self-love”. Self love is an art. It blooms like a jasmine . It leaves its fragrance in your nose until you try to get rid of it. Eventually you will start loving yourself. There will be days when they will point out the extra flap of your stomach or the ugliness of your crooked teeth, and in those days you will have to push yourself outside your limits to accept yourself. It will be one of those days when you will struggle to love yourself. It will be those days that you will blame yourself for being tomboyish instead of putting on the fancy spaghetti. But remember, you were right.
There will also be days when you feel that you're the most beautiful human in this world. On those days , strike up a conversation with your childhood friends or get a rose for yourself. Your unwaxed legs and uncombed hair will not bother you on those days. You see it feels special. Maybe at some moments you will hate yourself because you are a reason someone somewhere has lost a friend . But listen, on those days your art will save you. Go through your favorite short stories. Go on a solo trip. Meet random strangers. Kiss a stranger and tell him that he smells like a jasmine. See him smile. And on those days you will find yourself cherishing the smallest creases of happiness in between the turmoils of your life.
On days when you are upset, you sit by the window pane , watch the rainfall glow in its fine drizzle and write poems on your diary. On those days you forget about everything and everyone- friends , parties , studies ,career . I know that you try to shift that extra weight of a broken heart into the paper. In due course you have realized that all broken things are beautiful . So when you scribble the heavy fragments of your heart into the paper, they call it “art".
You see , the world out there is beautiful . You just have to learn to be more kind. More accepting. See no one will tell you to love yourself first instead they will heap a thousand suggestions on balancing your relationships. But all I want for you is an unbelievable potion of self love. Failures do come and on those days you will find the extra benefit of curing yourself from the negativity out there. Kahaaniya bhi dukh ke bina adhuraa rehta hain, ye toh fir bhi zindagi hai
“Indu, I hate tears"? now smile, please?
Love,
A matured ‘’you’’
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